then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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