Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
