I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
