He asked to "fluff my boner.."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
