We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
