dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
