hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
