Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
