if you like me you must not know who I am
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
