Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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