What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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