we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
