i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
