i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
