Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
