bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
