Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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