Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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