We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
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Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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