Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
