I've blown a few things in my day
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
