3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
