Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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