My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
