I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
