we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
