so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
