I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
