ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
