You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
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I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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