John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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