I want to walk on stilts...naked
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I love you.
Bad choice
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
