Having a random hookup so left but love u
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
