Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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