smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
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I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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