Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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