did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
