I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
