Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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