it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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