it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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