Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
