Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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