Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
