Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I need to calm my uterus...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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