What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i black out too much to be "responsible"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
