At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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