I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
