took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
