Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
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There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
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You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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