Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
