my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
