I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
