made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
