Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
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If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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