Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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