Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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