Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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